Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
