Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
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