OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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