worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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