so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
