yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
