im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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