I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
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