After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
How's work?
Spinning.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
