I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
my shit smells like andre
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
