Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
