I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Randomize
