yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
