Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
