I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
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