i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize
