so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
