margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
