I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
