so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
