haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
