I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
