Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
