Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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