the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
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