Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
