I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
There r osticjed everywhere
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
So apparently I’m into choking now
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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