guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
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