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dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Randomize
