never play flip cup with pint glasses
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
