Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
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