you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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