that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I need to calm my uterus...
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
