bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
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He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
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I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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