Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I think I just sharted jello shots
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