Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
