I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Randomize
