My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
