it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Randomize
