booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
