Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
