so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Randomize
