i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
