Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
i drank out of a bidet.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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