the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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