mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
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I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
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I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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