it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
and you fell through a lawn chair
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