Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Randomize
