you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
