there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
