I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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