yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I wish there were birth control emojis
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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