i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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