i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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