It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
