I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
