i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
