I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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