Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Randomize
