I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
