What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
worst night to have a conscience
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
