I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
