i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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