Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Randomize
