So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Randomize