when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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