I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
