Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Randomize
