I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize