____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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