that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
