PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
