sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
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