I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Randomize
