idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
