I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
